Tag: dating advice

How To Keep Online Dating Safe: What You Should Know Before Meeting an Internet Date

More and more people are trying out online dating sites to meet that special someone. It’s no longer embarrassing to answer, “So how did you meet?” by saying that you met on the internet. Internet dating has many benefits, but there are safety issues to consider, since the ‘net allows for greater anonymity and therefore, a greater chance that your date could be lying to you about who he or she really is.

Online Persona

Anyone who has heard about adult predators masquerading as 13-year-old boys in order to prey on impressionable youth knows that it’s easy to pretend to be someone you’re not online. To make sure that the 28-year-old stockbroker you’re talking to isn’t really a 45-year-old bus driver, keep an eye out for inconsistencies. If he tells you a detail of his life on Monday that drastically changes by Wednesday, feel free to call him on it. If you’re paying attention, you can usually weed out the liars fairly easily.

Dirty Talk

Unless you are looking specifically for an “intimate encounter” on a free chat line avoid talking about your sex life until after you meet your potential date in real life. If the person you’re interested in says that he or she is looking for a long-term relationship, but keeps asking for sexy pictures and talking dirty, there’s a good chance you’re not on the same page and you should move on to the next potential mate.

All in the Details

Before you meet potential dates, keep the specific details of your life to yourself. Do not give them your home address or tell them where you work. You can tell them what part of the city you live in or what you do for a living, but avoid saying, “I live on Maple Street” or “I work on the corner of 8th and Preston.” You may even want to hold off on giving your last name; at least until you’re relatively sure you can trust them.

Get All the Info You Can

While you want to be careful with sharing your own personal details, you should get as much information from the other person as possible. He or she may not want to share specific information either, but you should, at the very least, see pictures (more than one, to be sure it’s not some random image grabbed from the internet) and get the person’s phone number.

For women, this step may be more important. Since it is statistically more likely that he poses a threat to you than vice versa, you can insist on getting his full name and any other details that will make you feel more secure. You could also try Googling him to see what comes up, but don’t freak out if you find contradictory information; your town might have more than one John Smith.

For the Record

Never meet a stranger for a date without telling someone where you’re going. Write down his or her name, phone number and any other important details and leave them with your roommate, friend or co-worker. It may be a good idea to have a friend make a mid-date phone call to check if everything’s going okay.

Pick a Place

For your first meeting, pick a neutral, public place where you both feel comfortable. Don’t pick your favourite coffee shop or the bar at which you’re a regular. If the date goes awry, you don’t want to risk running into the person at a place you frequent. Do not get your date to pick you up. Make your own way to the meeting place and have a reliable way to get home.

Behave Yourself

While on the date, limit your drinking in order to stay sharp and watch your drink just like you would at the bar. Flirting is good, but avoid getting all touchy feely if you want your date to take you seriously for more than one night. Even if your internet match is perfect and the date is awesome, you should still resist the urge to invite him or her back to your place. Keep some mystery for the second date!

Turning First Dates into Seconds: Paying Attention to Verbal and Nonverbal Dating Cues is Key

Your first date with Miss or Mr. Maybe is progressing nicely.

Inevitably, you find yourself wondering, what if he/she doesn’t pick up on the opportunity to ask for another date before this date ends?

Should this occur, consider yourself to be out with someone who:

  1. hasn’t decided yet whether to see you again or
  2. happens to be incredibly shy, requiring extra encouragement.

You can handle both situations perfectly by paying close attention to verbal and nonverbal cues.

Capitalize on the Moment

From the mid-point to the latter part of the date, this is where you get the chance to sincerely make an important impression on your date, simply by being alert to these cues and knowing how to turn them in your favor.

However, don’t attempt the following unless you sincerely want to see this individual again. What you are about to do will trigger tremendous confidence from your date. The worst thing you can do is mislead him or her into thinking you are interested when you honestly would prefer not to go out together again.

On the other hand, if you want to see this shy, reserved or seemingly undecided individual you are sharing a first date with again, here’s your chance to generate some definite interest.

As soon as you realize you are with someone who needs a helping hand with the whole dating scenario in general, lean forward in your chair and with the most disarming smile you can muster say, “Nothing lights my fire more than a date who is quiet and mysterious. You definitely have me intrigued. I would just love to get to know you better.”

There’s something about those words “you’re mysterious” and “I’m intrigued” that never fail to bring out the best in someone you’ve just met who has suddenly had their ego stroked in such a wonderfully unexpected way.

Once said, fall back in your chair and sigh something like, “Oh, what a gorgeous evening. I’m so glad we decided to sit out here on the terrace with our drinks to watch the sunset!” Or, “That movie really got me down deep. Did you notice how Angelina Jolie had tiny tears in her eyes when she told that guy, ‘Go, just go, I’ll be fine.’ I sure did.”

Inspiring Interest

It really doesn’t matter what you say as long as it’s a total shift in conversation. You just paid him or her a major compliment. Let it go at that. Your date will pick up on it and let you know if he/she is interested in also getting to know you better through more receptive body language or conversation.

And if you really want to get that date eating out of your hand, say something like, “Why is someone like you still available? I just don’t get it. I mean, look at you! Attractive, intelligent, so easy to be with. I’ll bet there are women (or men) crying all over the city tonight because I’m here with you and they aren’t.” Or words to that effect.

Unless he or she is completely oblivious, your date will naturally begin to relax and loosen up from such highly-paid compliments, inevitably opening up like a book to you.

If he/she doesn’t, that’s your cue to realize you won’t have an easy time getting close to this individual due to his/her own emotional/social issues.

Additionally, if you get no response or a negative one, consider it a reliable signal not to invest more time or energy in clearly a dead-end dating opportunity.

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