Tag: relationship

Factors Which Contribute To Internet Dating Success

The online dating success report which appeared in the “Crunch Time” section of the Times Magazine looked at the statistical likelihood of receiving contacts based on the profile photographs which singles chose to post. This was based on a survey undertaken by US dating site OKCupid.com. The dating service monitored the number of contacts and dating conversations which were generated in relation to their members’ profile pictures with rather interesting findings.

What the Internet Dating Survey Says About Singles

In general, a woman was found to be statistically likely to generate more new contacts if she:

  • Posted a MySpace style photograph
  • Chose a photograph which showed an “interesting” pursuit such as playing a musical instrument.
  • Posted a profile picture which showed cleavage.

Males were found to be more likely to increase their number of new contacts if they:

  • Chose a picture of themselves with an animal
  • Posted a photograph which exhibited their muscles

Factors Which Decreased Online Dating Success

For both sexes, those with a profile picture which showed the participant drinking had a reduced effect on the number of contacts received on average. Interestingly however, whilst men posing with animals were up to 50% more likely to increase their contacts, when women were pictured doing the same, this reduced their success rate by almost a quarter.

A similar incongruity was to be found in the reaction to photographs where the dater chose to use “eye contact”. Whilst this slightly increased the success rate for women daters, men who looked directly at the camera but did not smile, received fewer contacts.

For more information on how profile pictures worked for the members, see the fully detailed report from the data mining carried out which can be found on the OKCupid site blog.

Choosing a Dating Service

These dating statistics clearly suggest that photograph choice can affect dating performance but a carefully selected dating service may also hold the key to success. There are an overwhelming number of services out there so online daters need to think about the type of person they wish to meet and search for the site which is most likely to have these members.

There are lots of differentiated sites available – dedicated faith oriented dating services for example; if it is important to meet someone of the same ideological persuasion this might not be a bad place to start.

Online Dating Review Sites

There are a number of review websites available which enable research into a cross section of online dating services. This way, singles can find several possible sites which are most likely to meet their criteria. DatingSiteReviews.com allows the user to search through categories such as “Award Winning Dating” or “Wealthy Singles Dating” and covers sites across Australia, Canada and the UK.

Once a potential dating service is found, it is advisable to find out as much as possible about the site before signing up. The UK based onlinedatingtips.org gives the following advice: “Always read the Privacy Policy, About Us page, and the FAQ page. Each of these will give you a good look into the philosophy of that service.”

Free Online Dating

Finally, whilst it may not be the key to dating success, how much singles wish to pay for their service needs to be a consideration; many online dating services offer individuals the opportunity to sign up for free but, to actually view contacts and start dating conversations, a member will more often than not have to pay a fee. Thus when viewing potential sites, online daters should make themselves fully conversant with all the financial aspects of the service prior to signing up.

First Date Conversation Topics

When two people are busy getting to know each other on a first or second date, the biggest mistake they can make is allowing the conversation to drift into deep controversial waters too soon.

For instance, is a first date the right environment for a heated discussion on such topics as politics, sex or religion? No – unless both of you are diehard social activists who simply can’t resist the opportunity to passionately spar about these issues over sushi and sake because it just plain sets your hair on fire.

Should you open up so much that you start spilling the ugly details about your last relationship or why you had to bail yourself out of jail because he or she lied and had you arrested during the breakup? Definitely not.

Is it permissible to drink to such excess that you start babbling about your family’s dysfunction or you admit that you’ve done some time on the psychiatrist’s couch trying to overcome serious bouts of depression? No and that’s a big emphatic NO.

Relationships Take Time

Consider that the relationship initiated by that first or second date is still so new and so fragile that it realistically can’t handle more than light conversational chitchat and a subtle flirtatiousness over dinner, a movie or a couple of drinks after a Knicks game.

The best advice is, take things s-l-o-w. Focus on less complicated subjects; for instance, where the two of you live, what you like, what you do. Comment on your surroundings during the date – how fun it was to slog through the rain to get from the parking lot to the restaurant, why you enjoy a good piano bar – all the while steering clear of weighty controversial subjects.

Once the two of you have had the chance to get to know each other better, there will be plenty of time to discuss the intricacies of your personal lives and backgrounds, the contrasts between your political leanings or why you disagree on such controversial subjects as abortion.

Less is More Initially

A first date is designed to help you get to know each other on a comfortable level. It’s important to focus on keeping the conversation light, casual and fun. Save the heavy stuff for later.

Moments for deeper discussion and disclosure about your lives will naturally present themselves. For instance, once the two of you have advanced to the point where you have four or five dates behind you, casual talk, like trying to decide whether to go out for breakfast or a late-morning brunch after watching the sun rise while snuggled up in a blanket on the beach together, may lead to more serious topics.

What you share about yourself after the two of you are that comfortable will not only be more interesting but that much more meaningful in terms of this new relationship you are developing together in the long run.

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